Building It With Faith

I have been to the point of no return and stood there contemplating the jump. I have been to the extreme edge hoping that it diminishes my dilemmas. I have been to the farthest point of insanity and hoped for the light to shine from within. I have been to the gravest of the dungeons hoping that my demons die their natural death instead of me fighting them. The only thing that stayed alive was the feeling that there’s a tiny ray of hope that would provide the slight flight that I needed. The feeling called faith.

Have you ever felt so elated in life that you forget to rejoice? Have you ever felt that wave of pleasure take tide in your heart that you are left frozen? I have! Because for years, I have sailed a boat I knew would never take me to my destination. Because for years, I hoped that my conduct and actions would attribute to a greater happiness for those who expected. Because for years, I have snubbed that little voice inside of me for us.

Today I bid farewell to a relationship, an agreement, after a long eight years. A relationship that, like every new relationship, promised me a future filled with stars. And like any other relationship, through the course, my expectations from that relationship changed. I changed. My priorities changed. And I guess, the agreement was never reviewed. So today, I make my valediction.

And I cry. As the tears roll down my eyes, the only feeling I can sense is of complete satisfaction. That whatever came my way, during the time, I perfected it with whatever resources I had on hand. I believe that I delivered as much as my scope was to. And I have no repent. Not even when I am sure, I know, that for the last one year, I have deceived. I have swindled the cause that was between us. And in spite of that, I feel a calm resting in my heart. This feeling. Deceit. And redress.

From here on, I look ahead. For I know, deceit can only pave the way for detachment. I am detached now, for a bigger score, a larger prospect. What lies beyond and ahead is a hope to be at peace. I hope to take that leap of faith that I have been readying myself for long. I move towards the unknown in the hope to discover brilliance. With that feeling called faith, I move on, with tiny hesitant steps, into my world that I diminished before and rebuild it brick by brick, yet again.