We’ve all faced writer’s block, haven’t we? And when that strikes, we all hunt for inspirations in the minutest of things around us. What do I do? I rant on my Facebook wall. That’s right and then what happens next is that this gentleman suggests that I source a guest post from a fellow blogger to get the momentum going. So what do I do? I ask this fine gentleman to write one for me and he happily obliges.
I was introduced to Sid Balachandran through a FB group earlier this year. And then, Summer and Me happened and we bonded over a chat about this story. By the way, that story somehow remains one of my favorite from him.After a couple of days, numerous FB statuses and little chats later we discovered we can read each others’ mind. Yes, its spooky when at the same nanosecond we come up with the same word/sentence. Today, Sid happens to one of my best online pals. Here I present one of his humorous take on the kind of runners there are. Over to Sid.
I go for a morning jog.
What was that sound? Oh, was that you falling off your chair and rolling on the floor laughing?? Haha, very funny! Let’s get back shall we?
One of the best things about a morning jog is that you get to observe what’s around you. No, I’m not talking about the beautiful sunrise, the chirpy birds, the hot babe in those really tight shorts and even more tighter top or that buff young man, who believes that running shirtless showing off his six-packs, biceps, triceps and other muscles that I never even knew existed, is the only way to do so.
What I’m talking about, is observing how people like to run or jog. For some it’s a way to exercise, for some others it’s a leisurely stroll, and yet for some others it’s almost a serious enough competition. So today, yours truly, is going to let you know about the different kinds of runners/joggers that I’ve encountered over the period that I’ve been jogging. And yes, the below categorization is just another one of my generalizations, so relax, put your feet up (no, not on the table) and read. And of course, don’t take it too seriously.
The Marathon-er: These runners are quite easy to spot. They are the one’s who are ultra-serious, often sporting a determined look on their face and in short, believe that they were born to run. One look at them, and you can guess that they probably started their training whilst still a foetus inside their mother’s womb. They don’t stop, don’t talk, and don’t use any complex running equipment apart from maybe, a stopwatch to check their timings. S/he is tremendously focused and will not hesitate to shoot you, if you dare interrupt them during their routine. Oh, and the most tell-a-tale sign – they almost always sport a Marathon t-shirt.
The i-Run-ner: With colourful wires sprouting from every imaginable location, the i-Run-ner is the uber-cool modern runner. Or at least they think so. Even if you don’t see, you will most definitely hear them, because of the beeps, buzzes and chimes that originate from all the gadgets that they carry around. They could quite easily pass for someone who has travelled through a Sci-Fi movie time portal and also occasionally resembles the insides of a personal computer with all the wires and cables. You are also likely to see them stop halfway through a jog or a run, just to check their many gadgets and calculate their “health stats”. Or just to take a selfie, update their Facebook status or tweet their progress. And don’t be surprised if they regale you with tales of their stats which include, but isn’t limited to, distance, speed, altitude, pace, heart rate, trajectory, target zone, and of course, calories. Frankly, I’m amazed that they haven’t been electrocuted yet, with the amount of sweat pouring out of them and all those exposed wires.
The Sweat-ster: This type of runner is always wet. (No smirking!). They’re often drenched in sweat, probably even before they’ve started running. But here’s the strangest part about this runner. Very rarely would you catch them with any kind of drink in their hand. I mean, without any intake of water, how much of sweat can one person probably generate? And here’s a warning. It’s also typical of this runner to slow down ever so often and vigorously shake their whole body, thereby drenching every passerby with copious amounts of salty fluid. So if you want to know how it feels to be next to wet, salty shaggy dog, just follow this person.
The Acrobat: Have you ever come across a jogger/runner who have their elbows at about, let’s say, chest level, when they walk or run? I have, and not just once. Not only do they look whimsical when they do that, they also create a mini-twister like effect when they walk. Another classic sign is that they also suddenly stretch and sometimes even contort their body at absolutely impossible angles when they walk or run. And here’s a tip if you encounter them. Stay clear of their path. The twister is extremely powerful.
The Earth-quake-r: Yes, I know. You think it’s a rather amusing categorization. In reality, they exist amongst us. Every step they take is like the thud of a giant’s foot and you can practically feel the ground rumble under your feet. And if that wasn’t bad enough, they are also frequent grunters. They constantly grunt like a wild boar, and make you feel like every step is an effort for them. These earth-quake-r’s are often somewhere between the middle and retirement ages, and are hell-bent on leaving their mark wherever they set foot. Which makes me think, they’re probably Corporate tycoons. Or politicians even. Or just fat, rich men. Yes, I am yet to find a female version of this kind.
The Competit-or: We’ve all seen them. Heck, we’ve all probably been one of them at some point. Especially if we’re on a treadmill at the gym. They automatically race with whoever is on the treadmill next to them, quickly stealing glances at the electronic panel that gives the speed that the other person is running at. And if it’s slower than theirs, then they almost feel like they’ve achieved something incredible. Even when jogging or running out in the open, though they prefer to run alone, the moment they find a person who’s ahead of them, they are overcome by this urge to want to overtake them.
The Outfit-er : I call them the fashionistas of the running world. From the head band that holds their perfectly combed or gelled back hair in place, to the impossibly shiny white sports shoes on their feet – everything is branded. They flaunt the brand logos as if they are sponsored by the aforementioned brand(s). Their running vests and bottoms/shorts are perfectly colour co-ordinated and they can be smelled from a mile away. Oh no, not bad odour. On the contrary, they smell as fresh as spring, courtesy the latest colognes, perfumes and after shaves. Their appearance is impeccable and you wouldn’t be able to find a single strand of hair out of place. But of course, they rarely run. Rather, they strut like they are walking down the ramp modeling the latest range of sportswear. They may also have an assistant, often burdened down by large gym bags, branded of course, tagging behind them, desperately trying to keep up.
The Muscul-ar: Though men often overrun this category, I’ve seen some women too. They are the one’s who believe that the only way to run is shirtless and in tiny hot pants. Of course they have the muscles and the six/eight-packs to flaunt too. The irony is that their bulging muscles and rock hard abs are usually the result of the hours that they put in at the local gym, and has absolutely nothing to do with running. They’re actually here to show off and to get an ego-boost. You see, most of the people who jog here are like me – casual runners/joggers. So when a hunk of a man jogs by strutting his stuff, and even occasionally throwing a wave like a model at a Ms. World contest, most of us tend to get not just distracted, but also heave deep sighs. The men sigh because they now know that the hot girl, who just over took them, is never ever going to look at them. The women sigh, well, because it’s eye candy. The Muscul-ar runners can also be often found sporting an isotonic sports drink and will have a power bar stuck somewhere down their pants.
So, the question is – what kind of runner are you?
About the Author
Sid is a combination of an aspiring writer, self-taught techie geek, avid reader, enthusiastic photographer, love-to-traveller and a wannabe master-chef. He engages himself in all sorts of subjects like fiction, humour, opinions, reviews and daddy tales. Hop over to his blog http://iwrotethose.com to check the diverse topics he writes about. You can also contact him here:
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