The Runners

We’ve all faced writer’s block, haven’t we? And when that strikes, we all hunt for inspirations in the minutest of things around us. What do I do? I rant on my Facebook wall. That’s right and then what happens next is that this gentleman suggests that I source a guest post from a fellow blogger to get the momentum going. So what do I do? I ask this fine gentleman to write one for me and he happily obliges.

I was introduced to Sid Balachandran through a FB group earlier this year. And then, Summer and Me happened and we bonded over a chat about this story. By the way, that story somehow remains one of my favorite from him.After a couple of days, numerous FB statuses and little chats later we discovered we can read each others’ mind. Yes, its spooky when at the same nanosecond we come up with the same word/sentence. Today, Sid happens to one of my best online pals. Here I present one of his humorous take on the kind of runners there are. Over to Sid.

**********************

I go for a morning jog.

What was that sound? Oh, was that you falling off your chair and rolling on the floor laughing?? Haha, very funny! Let’s get back shall we?

One of the best things about a morning jog is that you get to observe what’s around you. No, I’m not talking about the beautiful sunrise, the chirpy birds, the hot babe in those really tight shorts and even more tighter top or that buff young man, who believes that running shirtless showing off his six-packs, biceps, triceps and other muscles that I never even knew existed, is the only way to do so.

What I’m talking about, is observing how people like to run or jog. For some it’s a way to exercise, for some others it’s a leisurely stroll, and yet for some others it’s almost a serious enough competition. So today, yours truly, is going to let you know about the different kinds of runners/joggers that I’ve encountered over the period that I’ve been jogging. And yes, the below categorization is just another one of my generalizations, so relax, put your feet up (no, not on the table) and read. And of course, don’t take it too seriously.

marathonerThe Marathon-er: These runners are quite easy to spot. They are the one’s who are ultra-serious, often sporting a determined look on their face and in short, believe that they were born to run. One look at them, and you can guess that they probably started their training whilst still a foetus inside their mother’s womb. They don’t stop, don’t talk, and don’t use any complex running equipment apart from maybe, a stopwatch to check their timings. S/he is tremendously focused and will not hesitate to shoot you, if you dare interrupt them during their routine. Oh, and the most tell-a-tale sign – they almost always sport a Marathon t-shirt.

 iRunnerThe i-Run-ner: With colourful wires sprouting from every imaginable location, the i-Run-ner is the uber-cool modern runner. Or at least they think so. Even if you don’t see, you will most definitely hear them, because of the beeps, buzzes and chimes that originate from all the gadgets that they carry around. They could quite easily pass for someone who has travelled through a Sci-Fi movie time portal and also occasionally resembles the insides of a personal computer with all the wires and cables. You are also likely to see them stop halfway through a jog or a run, just to check their many gadgets and calculate their “health stats”. Or just to take a selfie, update their Facebook status or tweet their progress. And don’t be surprised if they regale you with tales of their stats which include, but isn’t limited to, distance, speed, altitude, pace, heart rate, trajectory, target zone, and of course, calories. Frankly, I’m amazed that they haven’t been electrocuted yet, with the amount of sweat pouring out of them and all those exposed wires.

SweatsterThe Sweat-ster: This type of runner is always wet. (No smirking!). They’re often drenched in sweat, probably even before they’ve started running. But here’s the strangest part about this runner. Very rarely would you catch them with any kind of drink in their hand. I mean, without any intake of water, how much of sweat can one person probably generate? And here’s a warning. It’s also typical of this runner to slow down ever so often and vigorously shake their whole body, thereby drenching every passerby with copious amounts of salty fluid. So if you want to know how it feels to be next to wet, salty shaggy dog, just follow this person.

 acrobatThe Acrobat: Have you ever come across a jogger/runner who have their elbows at about, let’s say, chest level, when they walk or run? I have, and not just once. Not only do they look whimsical when they do that, they also create a mini-twister like effect when they walk. Another classic sign is that they also suddenly stretch and sometimes even contort their body at absolutely impossible angles when they walk or run. And here’s a tip if you encounter them. Stay clear of their path. The twister is extremely powerful.

EarthquakerThe Earth-quake-r: Yes, I know. You think it’s a rather amusing categorization. In reality, they exist amongst us. Every step they take is like the thud of a giant’s foot and you can practically feel the ground rumble under your feet. And if that wasn’t bad enough, they are also frequent grunters. They constantly grunt like a wild boar, and make you feel like every step is an effort for them. These earth-quake-r’s are often somewhere between the middle and retirement ages, and are hell-bent on leaving their mark wherever they set foot. Which makes me think, they’re probably Corporate tycoons. Or politicians even. Or just fat, rich men. Yes, I am yet to find a female version of this kind.

CompetitorThe Competit-or: We’ve all seen them. Heck, we’ve all probably been one of them at some point. Especially if we’re on a treadmill at the gym. They automatically race with whoever is on the treadmill next to them, quickly stealing glances at the electronic panel that gives the speed that the other person is running at. And if it’s slower than theirs, then they almost feel like they’ve achieved something incredible. Even when jogging or running out in the open, though they prefer to run alone, the moment they find a person who’s ahead of them, they are overcome by this urge to want to overtake them.

outfitterThe Outfit-er : I call them the fashionistas of the running world. From the head band that holds their perfectly combed or gelled back hair in place, to the impossibly shiny white sports shoes on their feet – everything is branded. They flaunt the brand logos as if they are sponsored by the aforementioned brand(s). Their running vests and bottoms/shorts are perfectly colour co-ordinated and they can be smelled from a mile away. Oh no, not bad odour. On the contrary, they smell as fresh as spring, courtesy the latest colognes, perfumes and after shaves. Their appearance is impeccable and you wouldn’t be able to find a single strand of hair out of place. But of course, they rarely run. Rather, they strut like they are walking down the ramp modeling the latest range of sportswear. They may also have an assistant, often burdened down by large gym bags, branded of course, tagging behind them, desperately trying to keep up.

muscularThe Muscul-ar: Though men often overrun this category, I’ve seen some women too. They are the one’s who believe that the only way to run is shirtless and in tiny hot pants. Of course they have the muscles and the six/eight-packs to flaunt too. The irony is that their bulging muscles and rock hard abs are usually the result of the hours that they put in at the local gym, and has absolutely nothing to do with running. They’re actually here to show off and to get an ego-boost. You see, most of the people who jog here are like me – casual runners/joggers. So when a hunk of a man jogs by strutting his stuff, and even occasionally throwing a wave like a model at a Ms. World contest, most of us tend to get not just distracted, but also heave deep sighs. The men sigh because they now know that the hot girl, who just over took them, is never ever going to look at them. The women sigh, well, because it’s eye candy. The Muscul-ar runners can also be often found sporting an isotonic sports drink and will have a power bar stuck somewhere down their pants.

So, the question is – what kind of runner are you?

**********************

About the Author

 sid

Sid is a combination of an aspiring writer, self-taught techie geek, avid reader, enthusiastic photographer, love-to-traveller and a wannabe master-chef. He engages himself in all sorts of subjects like fiction, humour, opinions, reviews and daddy tales. Hop over to his blog http://iwrotethose.com to check the diverse topics he writes about. You can also contact him here:

Facebook: I Wrote Those

Twitter: @iwrotethose

**********************

Images courtesy:

Google Image Search

www.carvey-running-tips.com | boomrocker.wordpress.com  | marathondynamics.com | dreamstimez.com | jantoo.com | colourbox.com | dqweek.com |shutterstock.com |thenutsnet.com | clipartguide.com | johnbinghaminc.com  | reallifestl.com |cartoon stock .com | photoshelter.com

Advertisements

36 thoughts on “The Runners

  1. Ha ha ha ha! I could visually imagine every category! Brilliant post. Then again, I don’t think I will ever run now, for fear that Sid is watching and will write a post about it 😉

    1. Thank you Shailajav. If you’ve been able to visualise, then half my job is done here 🙂 Trust me, you don’t want to know what kind of a runner I am. I run like a dog is attacking me. But since I’m overweight, it looks like, as I mentioned once, “a beige snowball” 🙂

  2. Wow!! Great to see Sid here 🙂 with another of his humorous n witty post! N I’m so glad I fit in neither of this category….hehe 🙂 I jog in my morning dreams. It is said that morning dreams quite often come true!

    1. Aditi, Kajal asked and I gladly agreed. I’m also content that you found it humorous. I was worried it was a bit slip shod 🙂 Ah, you’re one of those “jog in my dreams” kind. You never know, someday I hope technology advances so much that I get to see what kind of a runner you are, even if it means I have to spy !

  3. LOL!! 😆

    I enjoyed the eye-candy hunk at the end! 😉

    my fave runners are the Acrobats, The Earth-quake-r’s and the marathoners!

    the first 2 are funny to watch and the first one simply tires me out!! 😀
    So, which category do you belong to Sid?! 😉 :mrgreen:

    1. Pixie, why do you think, I kept the hunk for last ? 😉
      The marathoners are a plenty these days 🙂 As for the category that I belong to, “none of the above”. Remember the “beige” snowball 🙂

  4. Loved how you described each one of them and I gotta admit…I am the Acrobat one!!

    My family laughs at me when I am doing the above…but then laughter is a good stress buster so, let them laugh while I burn some calories 😉

  5. Lol… Sid.. Still trying to figure out what kind I am. I sweat a lot but I almost always have a bottle of water handy and no shake, shake.. Just a towel. That’s the closest I get to one of yours. Onlookers might of course classify my ‘run’ as a ‘brisk walk’.

  6. Haha… that’s a fantastic categorization, Sid. I have seen all these types of runners. The acrobats and earth quakers amuse me. As for me, well I don’t run at all. I just walk. Running part I do only to catch a bus or a train or run behind husband to hand him the forgotten car keys or lunch box!! 😀

  7. Oh yes, such fun observing people run. Here, I see most people walking. And your post gives me inspiration to do a similar categorization of them :-).. My favorite is the Muscular hunk. That is a motivational sight to keep coming out every single day :-). Good to see you on Kajal’s blog.

    1. Rachna, I know. We have the walkers here too, but most of them can actually fit into a similar categorisation too. As for the muscular hunk, as I just told Pixie, that;s why I keep them for the end 🙂

  8. “They automatically race with whoever is on the treadmill next to them, quickly stealing glances at the electronic panel that gives the speed that the other person is running at. ”

    ***Furtively glances about. Has Sid installed a camera somewhere to spy on my actions???***

    Another witty, whacky list from you. Enjoyed it 🙂

    1. Yamini, ROFL. I know, because I have been the same. Unless I see myself at a faster speed than then, I really don’t get peace 🙂 In addition, I also sometimes steal glances and check out how many calories and the time and do a quick calculation to make sure mine is better 😛
      Glad you enjoyed it.

  9. I am tired after reading about people walking! I am that kind of walker Sid ! I stopped “running” since I was in Grade 9. I have seen most of these kinds too during my morning walks. Except the Muscular, body showing kind. I guess that’s because “proper clothing” is a way of life here. Over exposure is not allowed. Thank God! 😀

    Branded, new and shining clothes every single day! I have noticed such people! Forget the expenses, who has so much time to colour coordinate gym clothes! A personal Valet, maybe?

    1. Lol. Well, that’s your exercise sorted for today eh, Jo? The Muscular body kind can actually be see off JBR walk early in the morning. Or so, I’ve been told. When I come for a short vacation to Dubai, the last thing I need is to see such people making me feel self conscious 🙂

  10. I’m the roller. My sons often compare my gait with that of an elephant. But then I do not run, I stroll leisurely for the appointed minutes and then roll back home. 😛

  11. 😀 Nice one, Sid.. now.. how would I describe me the runner? I have graduated, you see.. from treadmills-are-good-enough, to walking-to-gym-is-as-good, to sleepwalking.. 😀 😛

  12. Gosh, UGH accidentally sent before I was done. Hate when that happens. And I am also the one puking my guts alongside the road…yeah I am that runner! I ran cross country in high school..6-8 miles a day but those days are long behind me!! Your post was so funny and brought back a lot of memories. ♥

    1. Happen to all of us Kathy 🙂 The accidental Enter button. Puking by the side of the road eh? Tough. Glad it brought back the memories…even if they sometimes ended with throwin up 🙂

  13. Nicely described. I am not a runner but an absent minded, quiet walker. When I am walking with my husband, we are engrossed in our own world- talking, sharing, planning. It’s a great stress buster.

  14. Realy nice categorization! I always walk, but I am sure to keep my eye out for all of these from now 😀
    Btw which category do you fit in??? :D:D

  15. Oh I loved the Earthquaker and the Outfitter. You sure do observe a lot. Scared of meeting you buddy. Don’t wanna be a part of one of your posts. 🙂

Thanks for walking into my blog. Please leave your comments in the form of footprints so that I know you visited.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s