‘Its okay, you don’t have to lie to me. I understand that this was not meant to be’. Zaara walked out of the door dejected and lost.
It must have been my mistake; I must have misunderstood. I guess it was never meant to be, right from the beginning. Zaara considered all the aspects that must have led Zuben to let her go. Her mind was clouded and she was unable to round up a reason for Zuben to behave such. Countless dragged steps lead her to the seaside.
This is where I had met him, for the first time. What a day it was. The skies were surely smiling. No wonder it rained that day and we, oblivious of what might result, kept talking for long hours sipping the piping hot cup of tea taken from the tiny little tea stall. By the end of the evening, even the tea stall owner could not stop smiling at us. This was special. Nothing like this had ever happened to me throughout my adult life. I could sense that we bonded.
Zaara was almost fighting off the tears that had started to well up in her eyes. She knew that if she cried now, she would break the spell. It was easier to stay in the dream and feel the love rather than shatter it with a tear wash. Zuben had been the center of her existence for so long she had forgotten what it was like to be alone. It’s strange how I don’t remember what it was like before he came into my life. She thought to herself. A painful bliss brought a smile on her lips.
‘I knew you would be here’ Zuben called from behind. Zaara smiled. ‘I am sorry, I am a little late.’ Zuben knew how to make up for his wrong. More so, because he knew Zaara would always forgive.
Zaara looked around. Her eyes kept searching for him here. This is all a vivid dream. I do not want this. I have given so many years to this relationship; I can’t let it fade into nothingness. I wish there was something I could do to make him see how special this is.Zaara’s brain was making waves of hallucinations. Is he really here? Is he ever going to come back now? Did I just demolish the single most thing that I had built with all my love?
She remembered the day when he first hinted at being aloof from her. It was a sunny afternoon when they met at a café and he said, ‘what if I want to take off somewhere, some place where no one knows me?’ Zaara had laughed then and waved it as if it did not mean anything. In spite of how much she wanted, she could not go back in time now and erase the memory of that moment. She wished she could understand his riddles. It was all coming back to her now. He had not kept up to the leads that she had been giving for him to propose to her. Did I scare him with a hope of wedlock? If that’s what it is all about, why doesn’t he just tell me that? What made him think this is not working anymore?
Zaara’s mind was exploding multiple questions which she did not have answers to. The kind of resilience that I displayed in front of him today was definitely the opposite of how I feel right now. Why can’t my thoughts shut for a moment? I am sure if I blackout for a while I will see the light. What will keep me sane? What is it that I can do to silence these screaming demons in my head? The only option there seems to be right now is to take a leap.
Zaara looked at the vast expanse of the sea that lay ahead. She was at the edge, sipping in the air with long breaths. The sea beckoned with heaving waves, similar to the emotions playing in her tear soaked heart. This must end she thought and took a turn towards the road…ready to lead a life of true lies.